Description: There is only one thing wrong with Santa Carla – the place is crawling with vampires. Oh, and some hideous 1980s fashion. But if you insist upon moving there, take heed and keep to yourself. Falling in with the Surf Nazi crowd will put you squarely on the vampire late supper menu. Mess with the vampires themselves and you’ll be drinking red “wine” from an antique flask and hallucinating that your noodles are actually worms.
Description: In 1977, film producer Moe Brown shocked the world with one of the most controversial films of all time. Vampire Cheerleaders On Acid combined psychedelia with hardcore horror and softcore pornography, creating (as one reviewer called it) “the most depraved exercise in moral degradation”. The film was banned in every country on the planet after screening in selected theatres in the United States for a short period, and the only original, uncut 3-D print of the film is still in the possession of writer and star Anastasia O’Keefe.
$18.00
$18.00
Description: Captain Howdy has been in the ouija board business since 1973. Having crossed over from the underworld into our physical reality, the Captain instantly recognised a neglected market for contacting the dearly departed. So he set about manufacturing the only 100%-guaranteed-to-work ouija board for the whole family and in the process, exposed a generation to decades of demonic possession. As the old advertisement once said: “Thanks Captain Howdy!
Description: I don’t know what I’ve been told (I don’t know what I’ve been told)…Eskimo pussy is mighty cold (Eskimo pussy is mighty cold)…Sound off, one two, one two – three four. I don’t know what I’ve been told (I don’t know what I’ve been told)…This t-shirt will never get old (This t-shirt will never get old)…Sound off, one two, one two – three four!
$18.00
Description: You’re in Antarctica at a research base and a dog comes sprinting out of the whiteness pursued by a helicopter with a crazy Swede (actually, they’re Norwegian, Mac) taking shots at it from a high-powered rifle. What do you do? Do you try to understand what the crazy Swede is doing trying to kill this dog, or do you stupidly shoot the frantic foreigner in the head and give the mutt a friendly pat? If you answered to the latter, well, bad luck – because you’re about to be “assimilated” by an alien life form. Should have learnt to speak Swedish (I mean, Norwegian…)
Description: You’re in Antarctica at a research base and a dog comes sprinting out of the whiteness pursued by a helicopter with a crazy Swede (actually, they’re Norwegian, Mac) taking shots at it from a high-powered rifle. What do you do? Do you try to understand what the crazy Swede is doing trying to kill this dog, or do you stupidly shoot the frantic foreigner in the head and give the mutt a friendly pat? If you answered to the latter, well, bad luck – because you’re about to be “assimilated” by an alien life form. Should have learnt to speak Swedish (I mean, Norwegian…)
$18.00
Description: Abraham Hollingsworth was an author who suffered momentous writer’s block. In 1957, he penned the internationally acclaimed The Moral Decline Of African Mountain Apes and was hailed as a triumphant new literary voice. Ten years later, the world was still waiting for his follow-up novel and in 1970, Hollingsworth’s publisher finally decided to sack his under-performing butt. In 1987, the thirty-year mental-block was seemingly ended when Hollingsworth released his second novel, however it turned out to be an abridged version of his first novel. He has been in self-imposed exile ever since.
Description: Broccoli rocks! Yeah, that’s right. It may have barely a trace of anything that could be considered taste, but it’s damn good for you. Whether it’s in a stir-fry, or smothered with peanut butter wrapped inside an apple Danish, broccoli will keep you lean and mean and ready to rock out with other vegetables.
$18.00
$18.00
$18.00
Description: August 18th to the 24th is National Lycanthrope Awareness Week, a time to share a thought for your fellow werewolf. Because, ya know, werewolves are people too – they just grow hair and snack on human flesh during the full moon. In most capital cities there will be some sort of festivity, culminating in the nationwide ‘Great Hunt’ over two massive nights. Human volunteers can register with your local authority. Happy Lycan Week!
Description: If you elude capture by terrorist thieves whilst at an office Christmas party in Nakatomi Plaza, here’s some free advice. Don’t leave your shoes behind in the mayhem – you’ll need them later. Stay out of the air-conditioning vents – your movements inside create too much noise. Keep off the roof of the building – it’s a favourite terrorist hangout and sloppy FBI agents may crash a helicopter there. And lastly, it is always best to maintain a sense of humor throughout such an ordeal, so don’t shy away from contacting the terrorist leader on two-way radio and calling him names.
$18.00
$18.00
$18.00
$18.00
Description: If you want to see where the fake blood was spilt, and where the sausage masquerading as intestines were “eaten”, you can take a tour of Monroeville Mall. While you are there, stock up on ammunition, try on some retro clothing, have your blood pressure tested and take a joyride in a helicopter.
$18.00
$18.00
Description: Captain Howdy will come into your home. Captain Howdy doesn’t require an invitation. Captain Howdy will speak through occult tools like ouija board, but he’s gonna wanna little bit more. Captain Howdy wants your soul. Captain Howdy wants to use your body as his demon host, contorting you in ways that will make it impossible for you to keep food down. Captain Howdy will attempt to convince you he is your friend. Captain Howdy is not your friend.
$18.00
Description: India. In that part of the world monkey brains are a delicacy, just as Cheetos may be a delicacy to someone in the West. And whilst conservative tastes may baulk at chowing down on a portion of simian brain, most Indians of the Kali persuasion would delight at such a rare culinary treat. So don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
$18.00
Description: You ain’t ever been on no bug hunt like this. Ninety per-cent of your squad is wiped out by a hive of hideous xenomorphs that you don’t dare kill. Med lab in the main structure won’t hold for long – those pesky xenomorphs are pretty friggin’ smart. They’ll get in there somehow. They’ll get in there and use your body as a host for their momma’s bubs. But in this situation, with certain death a reality, it’s best to stay frosty.
$18.00
Description: Japan. Land of sushi, saki and samurai. It’s also where the babe in the yellow and black leather has come to grab a kick-ass sword from a legendary craftsman and hunt down the bitch that left her for dead back in the States. But she’ll have to hack her way through the Crazy 88 first, even though there ain’t really 88 of ‘em.
$18.00
Description: Yo, sax man, blow into your reed. Play me a tune, something that reaches deep into the gut enticing the loins. Give me some soul. Play me some deep, dirty dirge of sexual revolution. Or just give me some order of melancholy, for that sax appeal oozing from your pores is like a velvet glove for my appetite.
$18.00
Description: Art. It’s overrated. Dancing, however, is the one act of self-expression that requires no talent. Yeah, that’s right, even if you get your jig on worse than Elaine Benes, it doesn’t matter. Maybe you’re as tone deaf as a llama, or as musically talented as a dugong with a tuba stuck in its rectum. It doesn’t matter. Dancing, funnily enough, like art, is subjective. So the next time someone suggests a visit to the gallery, make a case for learning to waltz instead.
Description: The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing horror on a screaming world! A man dissolves – and out of the oozing mist comes the hungry eye, slave to the demon brain. Warning: If you’ve ever been hypnotized do not come alone! Crawling into a theatre near you…
$18.00
About GritFX
