Description: Sasquatch (otherwise known as “Bigfoot”) is not some ferocious beast with an insatiable appetite for human entrails. On the contrary, Sasquatch is a timid creature, a biological anomaly whose only difference from us is a complete carpet of body hair and a disinterest in processed foods. Sasquatch keeps to himself (or herself), which is the reason he/she has rarely been seen.
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Description: You and me babe... how about it? This Valentine's Day, propose a union of love or marriage with a tee!
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Description: On Inauguration Day in 1933, the 32nd President of the United States, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, delivered an historic address stating that the only thing we’all had to fear was fear itself. But, of course, this wasn’t entirely true. There are many things we have to fear that FDR neglected to mention. Vampires, for one. Werewolves too. Parasites. El Chupacabra. The Grim Reaper. The Tooth Fairy’s evil cousin. Martha Stewart. Snakes and scorpions. And especially spiders.
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Description: The Kraken. The legendary sea creature of Greek mythology – immortalised by Harryhausen in stop-motion in the 1980s. It is also the name given to the Giant Squid, the most elusive of all ocean species. Believed to grow up 60 feet in length, it has been the subject of many tales of misadventure on the high seas. Never has one been captured alive or even captured alive on film. Jacques Cousteau claimed to have seen one, but he was probably full of shit.
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Description: August 18th to the 24th is National Lycanthrope Awareness Week, a time to share a thought for your fellow werewolf. Because, ya know, werewolves are people too – they just grow hair and snack on human flesh during the full moon. In most capital cities there will be some sort of festivity, culminating in the nationwide ‘Great Hunt’ over two massive nights. Human volunteers can register with your local authority. Happy Lycan Week!
Description: You don’t have much choice really. Convicted of crimes that bear the harshest reprimand, you might as well accept the crummy gig and rescue the wimpy President from the maximum security prison known as Manhattan. It sure is a rotten future, and glorified pimps with chandeliers fixed to the hoods of their cars cruise the littered streets with nothing to do but look for trouble - but they didn’t count on Snake’s brand of trouble, now did they?
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Description: If you want to see where the fake blood was spilt, and where the sausage masquerading as intestines were “eaten”, you can take a tour of Monroeville Mall. While you are there, stock up on ammunition, try on some retro clothing, have your blood pressure tested and take a joyride in a helicopter.
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Description: Captain Howdy will come into your home. Captain Howdy doesn’t require an invitation. Captain Howdy will speak through occult tools like ouija board, but he’s gonna wanna little bit more. Captain Howdy wants your soul. Captain Howdy wants to use your body as his demon host, contorting you in ways that will make it impossible for you to keep food down. Captain Howdy will attempt to convince you he is your friend. Captain Howdy is not your friend.
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Description: India. In that part of the world monkey brains are a delicacy, just as Cheetos may be a delicacy to someone in the West. And whilst conservative tastes may baulk at chowing down on a portion of simian brain, most Indians of the Kali persuasion would delight at such a rare culinary treat. So don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
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Description: You ain’t ever been on no bug hunt like this. Ninety per-cent of your squad is wiped out by a hive of hideous xenomorphs that you don’t dare kill. Med lab in the main structure won’t hold for long – those pesky xenomorphs are pretty friggin’ smart. They’ll get in there somehow. They’ll get in there and use your body as a host for their momma’s bubs. But in this situation, with certain death a reality, it’s best to stay frosty.
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Description: The year was 1878. Pittsburgh residents investigated reports of “dead people” feasting on the flesh of the living. A hastily assembled posse arrived at the Romero homestead to find that six “zombies” had made breakfast of the dead bodies of the poor farmer and his wife. The zombies were disposed of with a combination of axes, shovels and pitchforks and the incident passed out of memory. Coincidentally, one hundred years later, Pittsburgh became the home of the greatest zombie films ever made.
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Description: Jack Mainwaring sure did warn ‘em. Having trawled the Bering Sea for fifty years, Jack had seen just about everything the sea had to offer. He even claimed to have seen the fabled giant squid. Sitting at the bar in the Green Mollusk Hotel, Jack warned the crew of the Mary Buchman to be wary of the giant sea creature before they set out from port – for it is out there and has been devouring maritime vessels and their crew for centuries. Of course, no one believed him, until the Mary Buchman and her crew were never seen again.
Description: Where would we be without movie clichés? Head ‘em off at the pass. Meet ‘em at the old mill. But it doesn’t have to be that way, scriptwriters. Coin some new phrases that will, in fifty years time, become clichés themselves. Perhaps, “I’ll email you with the details” or “We can find them with the GPS!”
About GritFX
